This Latina sees …..

I have been swimming in the pool of possibilities. Reconnecting with inspiring colleagues and keeping 

my eyes on the prize.   Looking to make a difference and relishing in my Latina-ness. 

We Latinas love life! We love our familias, and we love being a part of the solution. 

Perhaps it is partly that Spring has sprung that I am feeling so full of promise.  The days are warm 

and sunny.  Shirley Horn’s,  "Here’s to Life” is playing on KCRW.  Life is good.  

It is affirming to know that life is meant to be good.  Life is meant to be shared like good food, or a 

good cuppa café.

I see so many wonderful opportunities. Love and generosity and kindness.  

Inclusion and possibilities.  Room for frolicking and time for growth. 

I feel equanimity. 

 I'm blessed. 

Text and photography copyright 2012 by SMLLMS, all rights reserved

Mirth and Mischief Sprouting About

I feel like this stone woman with ideas and mischief sprouting about.

What is she dreaming about? Is she reminiscing about a long, lost, love or going over her “to do list?” I am dreaming about the next season in this wonderful experience called life. I am grateful for the mirth and delight knocking on my door and taping at my window. I am more open to the flow of life and to letting in the good stuff.

It has taken such a long time for me to figure out that other people’s expectations and their ranting about life’s unfairness is just that … theirs.

It’s not for me to take upon as my own. I had an experience with a dear friend who flew off the handle recently and behaved in a very childish way about something he “felt” was an injustice to him.  In the past I would have taken this on as my own, but now I choose to let him have his say and to remind myself that his feelings are just that “his.”

When you figure out that you have so many choices, it is like holding a magical key that unlocks a myriad of otherwise locked up options.

Text and photography copyright 2012 by SMLLMS, all rights reserved

A Woman Full of Stuff

I am full of stuff. Too many compartmentalized areas. Emotional boxes of this and that. I made a vow to be on a “Faith Journey” and thankful for my life everyday this year.  I decided it would be a living experiment and that I would see how my life transforms (or not) while I extol positive actions and hold myself accountable for my thoughts.

How can I be struggling with this at week 6? I don’t want to fake it till I make it on my faith journey. I want it to be genuine and sincere. This living fully experiment is harder then I thought it would be. These past two weeks have been filled with whirling fastballs.

The condo I rent has been short sold and I have no solid date on how long  I have until I must move out. I need to figure out where to move and how to pay for it. I am stressed to put it lightly with thoughts of, “ How am I going to pay for this new place to live?” “Will we be happy there?” “ Will my little one love her new school?” “When will I land a job?”

AHHHH, I need to rein it in and focus on what I do want. I want to believe that I can do this. That I will find a fantastic job, find a beautiful home, find a great school for my little one and create LOVE.

The answers and solutions will arrive in plenty of time. I will sort through my stuff.  


Text and photography copyright 2012 by SMLLMS, all rights reserved

Who's That Lady?

Who is this? Is it me? What does that mean today? I caught a glimpse of my shadow as I was sitting in my daughter’s dance class the other day. It struck me as odd and funny because I didn’t recognize my shadow for a minute.  I saw a businesswoman’s shadow, not a harried mom. I literally laughed out loud when I realized, “hey, that’s me!”

My shadow made me happy. I had attended a networking breakfast that morning and felt good about it. I am rebuilding my career. I am going to make it. I must do this.  I want my daughter to be proud of me. I need to support us.

I am filled with loads of unanswered questions this week. I am unsettled? What is my calling in life?

I am anxious about my future. Why is this? Am I scared or is this a feeling of excitement brewing? This is hard for me to decipher at this moment in time. My soul is quizzical.   I must remind myself to believe and trust. These moments of doubt are part of my journey. Everyday will not be an easy, knowing day. Not now anyway. But this is all good.

 

As a single mom who went through the Divorce rinse cycle and financial ringer. I’m One of the many starting over. Just, “One of the many.  Unlike the Marines, we are not “the few” but we are “the proud.” I’m proud of surviving and making it out to the other side. For that I am grateful –I can still say I am dreaming, loving living, laughing. Will I find my bliss? Will I make success and love for myself and my daughter? I have faith in myself that I will do it. I must!

Text and photography copyright 2012 by SMLLMS, all rights reserved

Living and Growing

When I was a little girl, I thought about how I was NOT going to be like my parents. I was not going to be divorced. I was not going to make those mistakes. I would grow up, work hard, love my work and marry my soul mate.  We would have three children. That was my plan. Well, I did study hard and then I worked hard.  I am well educated. I have traveled the world. I have ridden on elephants in Chang Mai and floated leisurely on a boat in Capri. I have dined at a café in Portofino and I have swam in the cool, azure waters off the coast of Bodrum in Turkey.

Life was going according to plan, I met a man, fell in love and married who I thought was my soul mate. We quickly started our family. What I did not know at the time, was that while I got married, my “soul mate” kept dating.

Well, here I am at 41. I am divorced and I have a young daughter. I am however very aware that I am Not my parents.  To say that I am, would be a fallacy. They did a great job with what they had. We are very different and we are strong in different ways.

Yes, I am divorced.  Yes, I have a young daughter. Yes, I have had huge heartbreak - But I have hope. I have resilience and I have faith. Did my mother teach me these things? In some ways yes she did. She did so not knowingly and I am grateful for those nuggets of wisdom. The things she tried to “teach” me were based in fear. I am happy to know that I have grown away from fear and grown into my acceptance of myself. The good parts, and the shortcomings.  I am growing like a sturdy, olive tree.  Gnarled branches in some spots but able to produce delicious fruit.

I know that for the early stages of my five-year long divorce, my personal growth stalled.  I was in survival mode. I felt that so much had been taken from me. I felt like my voice was taken during the long drawn out battle of divorce. I felt that my finances were taken, my identity taken, my dream of being a wife with a family and the good life – whatever that means was taken.

My body taken, my ideas taken, my ability to create taken. Where did it go?  Where did I go? I went up. Up into my head and deep inside my heart. I did not like what I saw. So I have been taking the long haul into rebuilding and redoing and repainting as it were the colors of my world.  A college fling once sent me a love note and ended it with this statement, “ Create the world you want to live in. Paint it, Make it. Be it.” For years I carried that note in my wallet until it started to tatter and tear. I lost track of that note and of the college fling.  But the message rings in my ears daily. DM wherever you are ~ Thank you. Little did you know that 15 years later those words would help me to grow and change and love and hope again.

I continue to grow for my own sake but also for the sake of my child. To show her a strong, happy, thriving woman who has passion and lust for life. Who gets the job done and who has time to be happy and excited about what lies ahead. This business of life is a tricky, slippery business. You can fall off the path and then when you get back on, it brings you to such a different place. It takes effort and a lot of faith. There are days I cry but I keep going. Am I a fool? Who’s to say? I call it living and growing.

Text and photography copyright 2012 by SMLLMS, all rights reserved

The Reawakening of Me

This Blog is my personal journey of  self – discovery after divorce.

It’s a healing, honest and sometimes funny springboard that allows me to grow.

Intuitable Living to me means listening to your inner wisdom and allowing your higher self to grab your attention so that you can live with passion and wisdom and "ganas".  Ganas is a Spanish word that basically means to have the desire to do something and the will to see it through. 

I had a heart-wrenching divorce. A divorce that lasted for 5-long years and left me bankrupt financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The past 5 years were life-changers for me. There were painful, messy, and at times ugly moments. But after that stormy season, I find myself stronger and lustier about life. I am moving forward and ready to shine. Tengo Ganas! I have the desire to drink in life.

 I am ready for some Intuitable Living!

Text and photography copyright 2012 by SMLLMS, all rights reserved